I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
