She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
