last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
