i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Buhtt sex?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
