need another drink. this is the easiest way
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
