My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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