i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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