Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
