Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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