I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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