There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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