hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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