my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like eating out sand paper
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
