the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
