In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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