Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
