I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
