We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
