Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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