so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
