Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
