I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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