Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
