Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There's even glitter on my cock...
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