My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Randomize
