well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
