The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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