did you get engaged???
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
