'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
