please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
