Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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