He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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