oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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