Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I still have a little drunk in my system
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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