I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
