Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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