I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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