So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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