I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
