Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
