is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
