My first STD was from a foam party
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
