So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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