I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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