I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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