It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
