real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
