he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
