It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
