If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
