i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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