In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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