I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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