I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
